“Murder Party”
2007
**** out of ****
Director: Jeremy Saulnier
Cast: Chris Sharp, Macon Blair, Alex Barnett


FACT: The last great horror comedy was “Shaun of the Dead.” Before that, I can’t even remember when the last decent one came from.

ANOTHER FACT: None of you bastards have heard of “Murder Party,” which is why it’s so fucking awesome.

“Murder Party” is not a horror film. It’s a satirical look into the horror subgenre that we now hate. It’s like Jeremy Saulnier took notes while watching every film that showed blood on boobs and said, “Hey, wouldn’t this be funny if we do that?” Then they take the Eli Roth/Rob Zombie approach, and every little bit of death that is included into the picture, it’s considered ‘art.’ I don’t know about you, but if a little independent movie like this makes it to my top ten of ‘007, a screener for such a fun movie is now considered as artistic as Da Vinci’s painting of his ass crack. The day you find a better movie suited for the torture-porn subgenre you come running the hell to me and you tell me about it.

Chris (Chris Sharp) is one of those police-officers that will ruin your day just for writing you up for a parking ticket. The man is so unstable that he doesn’t even know how unstable he is. He’s as bland as Kevin Federline’s rapping skills and gets less action on the job than Molly Shannon’s coochie. On the night of Halloween, he purchases a few horror video-tapes, and picks up an invitation for a Murder Party. He ignores it, until his cat won’t get off of his chair so he could watch the movies. So without a chair and a TV, he goes ahead to the party, dressed up in a cardboard knight costume.

Well, our hero gets there, knocks, and gets kidnapped. They gag him and tie him up in a chair. These kidnappers are nothing more but “artists,” led by Alexander (Alex Barnett). Within their “Murder Party,” they take truth serum, do lines of coke, and get drunk. Also within the night, they turn the tables on each other with Chris just sitting there, waiting for someone to put him out of his misery. By the end of the movie, these dildos are all dead, except for two – a guy with a chainsaw and a guy dressed up like one of the gangs from the classic film “The Warriors.” Within the last thirty minutes, “Murder Party” has one of the best endings that I’ve seen in a long, long time.

You noticed how I described these kidnappers as artists and dildos. They consider themselves as an artist, but everyone else is considered a dildo. But as the audience, we consider each of them dildos. It’s like O. Henry was jerking off into Saulnier’s pillow and “The Ransom of Red Chief” came out from his sperm-flyer. The similarities between the two are so alike that the kidnappers are put through more torture than the actual victim is. Until the end of the movie, Chris actually looks like he’s having a lot of fun just from watching these dildos go at it.

I also said that this was a satirical look into the sub-genre of torture-porn, which is almost a satire in itself. When we actually meet these guys, already one of them gets killed just by tripping over something and hitting their head on something else. Did I spoil the joke? No, because it just has to be seen to be believed. It’s so funny that I actually shouted out the word ‘dildo’ during the second watch. And that’s only the first kill. The next deaths are so funny that I think my left testicle dropped three inches from laughing so damn hard.

But nothing beats the final thirty minutes of the film, which is a long chase sequence that ends up to a completely new territory of artists having a rather bigger party. This part’s so funny just because we’ve seen it so many times by horror directors today and all of them are meant to scare us. This chase takes its sweet ol’ time and is funnier than the entire movie of “Hot Fuzz.” Halfway through the chase sequence, it takes a twist that I never even seen coming. I laughed so hard because I think I would have done the same thing if I really had to do it.

Chris Sharp gives a hilarious performance to someone who is twice as bland as Billy Zane’s character in “The Mad” and twice as stupider than Jon Heder in “Napoleon Dynamite,” and it works. I tried to stay away from comparing this film to “Napoleon Dynamite,” as the back of the DVD suggests that it is a mix between that and “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” but that is clearly mistaken. “Murder Party” is original. It takes on the torture genre as stupidly as stupid could be. Chris just sits there and watches the characters go at it, like Napoleon Dynamite did back when he was in the middle of a school election and Uncle Rico moving in.

“Murder Party” is one of the best times that you will have without lubricant. It smells good and it tastes good, so it’s good enough for me. How the hell a movie like “Murder Party” goes straight to DVD and “Captivity” and “Hostel II” go straight to theaters is fucking beyond me.