[CinemaRatty] tag: disclaimer

A Hell of a Town

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:42:00 +0000

There was no way I was going to miss EARTHQUAKE at the Egyptian, not a chance. How often do you get to experience the modern miracle of Sensurround? Sure, it was a lot of fun getting to see the film in a packed sold out theater as part of the American Cinematheque’s Disaster Movie series but Sensurround was the truly memorable part of the evening. It’s really why we were there. Sensurround, for those not familiar with it, was an elaborate sound system designed to allow the audience to feel the audio sensations of the movie they were watching using an elaborate speaker setup that I couldn’t really begin to understand. In the case of this film, of course, it was designed to make us feel like we really were in the middle of an actual quake. This was the first of four movies Universal released with the gimmick, followed by MIDWAY, ROLLERCOASTER and BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. Of course, EARTHQUAKE was a natural for the process, probably most of its reason for being anyway but with or without it, the film survives as a huge, glorious chunk of 70s cheese.

The film follows a group of individuals on the day the Big One hits Los Angeles, with the motley cast of characters played by the esteemed likes of Charlton Heston, Ava Gardner, Lorne Greene, George Kennedy, Genevieve Bujold, Richard Roundtree, Marjoe Gortner, Victoria Principal and a variety of others including a drunk billed as Walter Matuschanskayasky but is of course Walter Matthau who probably worked a day on the film and based on his outfit is presumably playing a pimp of some sort. As the first hour goes on, we alternate these storylines with seismologist experts and other officials debating over the possibility of what some believe will be a quake of legendary proportions. Unlike the Irwin Allen films, where the warnings go unheeded due to arrogance or the skinflint desire to reduce costs, here it’s simple political cowardice that prevents an evacuation order to go out. Because, sure enough, the quake does hit, causing massive death and destruction. In other words, it’s exactly what we paid to see.

It’s a terrible movie, no doubt about it, with very few things to pick out as actually good. There’s lots of interesting use of Los Angeles locations, giving us a nice glimpse at what the city looked like back in the 70s, for starters. It is kind of endearing to see Genevieve Bujold work at making that terrible romantic banter with Charlton Heston actually kind of charming. Heston has an amusing moment where George Kennedy tries to carjack him to help out quake victims and there’s a sequence involving a stairwell suddenly losing several floors that is actually kind of suspenseful. But as much as everyone remembers things like the idiotic animated blood splat in the legendary elevator sequence (it got a round of applause and I gladly joined in) much of the earthquake effects work and matte paintings by Albert Whitlock are genuinely stunning, almost surprisingly so on the huge Egyptian screen. The John Williams score, while very much locked into the decade, is extremely effective as well. The main title is appropriately cool (well, in a “Quinn Martin Presents” kind of way), but the quieter sections manage to lend the film whatever dramatic power it actually has—I’ve always particularly liked the melancholy finale that plays over the end titles following the slightly unexpected ending.

There’s not much good beyond that, starting with the awkward pacing right from the very beginning--dealing with so many characters the first hour somehow manages to feel choppy and lethargic at the same time. Directed by Mark Robson, the look of the film also has that patented crappy Universal-70s look to it which manages to make it look as if it were shot for television even if it is being framed in Panavision. Most of the sets are pretty phony as well and probably went on to be used in episodes of “Columbo” or “McCloud” or something by the next week. It was written by Charles Fox and the legendary Mario Puzo, apparently went through numerous drafts before going in front of the cameras and somehow it still manages to feel like I’m spending more time writing this piece than they ever spent on the script. Many of the leads from Heston to Gardner to the ultra-bizarre Marjoe Gortner are terrible, making it all the more interesting when familiar working actors like Lloyd Nolan, John Randolph, Donald Moffat and George Murdock turn up and actually make their stock roles pretty effective in this context (I particularly like Nolan’s moment with George Kennedy at the end). But as bad as much of the acting is, it’s hard not to remember and slightly cherish elements like the Heston-Gardner-Bujold love triangle or Gortner’s wack job trying to have his way with Victoria Principal, in the most ridiculous looking afro you’ve ever seen. If I go another thirty years without seeing this movie I’m going to remember these things and I’ll love that I do. I guess all this was enough to get the film nominated for Best Picture at the Golden Globes and if that’s not a good enough reason to never take those things seriously I don’t know what is.

And, almost needless to say, it was a blast to be at the Egyptian for it. The screening was introduced by Genevieve Bujold, of all people, who delivered an emotional speech about how this film marked the beginning of her life in Los Angeles, where she has lived ever since. This led into the movie which opens with the all-important disclaimer about the effects Sensurround will provide and how the management assumes no responsibility for any ill-effects that may occur. Sort of an overload of bass and subwoofers that can cause a rumbling sensation, the process makes its first appearance when the quake hits and fittingly, it begins when one of the characters is in a movie theater (watching HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER, also from Universal). Sensuround is a goof, but it’s a pretty cool goof and by a certain point is a pretty effective one as well. One brief surprise jolt late in the film immediately followed by an onscreen acknowledgement of it is a particularly good moment. For the record, seeing this film makes me never want to live in a house on stilts or go to a makeshift medical center in an underground garage right after a massive quake a plan which, when you think about it, probably wasn’t very well thought out.

Do I love EARTHQUAKE or do I hate it? Is it a miserable waste of two hours or is it entertaining in spite of all logic? Should I look at it as a cautionary tale of what may happen one day in this town or should I just eat my popcorn? Maybe the answers don't matter. All I know is that I got to see EARTHQUAKE in Sensuround on Hollywood Boulevard. That’s not something you get to do every day.

“This used to be a hell of a town, officer.”

“Yeah.”

DGA Predictions

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:31:47 +0000

The danger of the information age! The DGA nominations have not been completed yet which means that, in all likelihood, these predictions by pundits (I don’t know what else to call this thing we do except to give the standard disclaimer that, though we can all take a look at history, there is no such thing as an expert at this stuff - it’s just a guessing game) will likely be flipped on their ear. It’s a bit like playing the stock market when there is no “there” there. If they see how many people are predicting the general consensus right now:

Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire
David Fincher, Benjamin Button
Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon
Christopher Nolan, The Dark Knight
Gus Van Sant, Milk

You can almost guarantee that the final DGA list will not look like that. Why? Because the voters will want to resist the urge to be predictable. It may sound like psychobabble to you but to me, it’s just human nature. Voting will close a day before the nominations are announced, so that would be Wednesday. Nominations are announced Thursday. Tom O’Neil has assembled a variety of predictions, and you can see them here and here. These are directors I would watch out for: Mike Leigh, Darren Aronofsky, Andrew Stanton, Stephen Daldry, Sam Mendes and of course, Clint Eastwood - always a threat.

ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 18:24:03 +0000

2008

January 4, 2009
DVD
USA
English
101 Minutes — October 31, 2008
Comedy / Drama / Romance
Kevin Smith [Clerks; Mallrats; Chasing Amy; Dogma; Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back; An Evening With Kevin Smith; Dinner For Five; Jersey Girl; Snowball Effect: The Story Of ‘Clerks’; Clerks II; Siskel & Ebert & The Movies; An Evening With Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder; Live Free Or Die Hard; Reaper]

Disclaimer: I’m a few years older than Kevin Smith and when I first heard him interviewed in the mid-90s as he was becoming well-known, I used to tell friends that he was the first person younger than me who I completely admitted was better at what he did than I could have been. That is, when he spoke or wrote, I knew I’d be hard-pressed to keep up. This was a revelation to me. He is one of the best guests that Howard Stern ever had on his program; he somehow was insightful and smart when he filled in for Roger Ebert, even though he was trying to critique people he may some day work with. I have his books on my shelf right now, Silent Bob Speaks and the screenplays to Clerks and Chasing Amy. I’ve downloaded every episode of his Smodcast podcast (though he and Scott can be so wordy that I can’t take a full 90 minutes per week).

If he’s involved in something, I want to read/see/listen to it. I hope that as he grows into middle age, he’ll become some sort of film or pop culture historian. Sort of like what Scorsese does with his documentaries and what Tarantino tries to do in his screening room with young actors. Smith is an aware social critic, pointing out hypocrisy in culture and politics. He can often give compelling arguments as to how comic books are an art form. He finds a way to be a good catholic and a smut peddler at the same time. I remember reading a piece somewhere about John Madden, the football magnate. The quote was “Madden is a genius who masquerades as a lunkhead.” The same can be said for Kevin Smith. Get past the language (and for god’s sake get past the poop humor–please!) and you’ll find stories about love and self-awareness and inferiority and all the other parts of the human experience that artists have been trying to make sense of for hundreds of years. If you haven’t seen them, go watch An Evening With Kevin Smith 1 and 2. He is charismatic and charming. If he keeps filming his Q & As, I’ll keep watching them.

He has said himself on many occasions that he’s a terrible director, but he makes up for it in his writing. His blog posts and his essays and his book of random thoughts are compelling, humorous, and honest. He has no trouble (often to a fault) exposing his thoughts and beliefs and idiosyncrasies to whomever is there to listen. I suspect he’d be exposing these same thoughts if there was no one listening.

So it is with great sadness that I have to report that ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO is a failure on nearly every level of filmmaking.

Plot:
Zack and Miri are friends from childhood who live in a terrible Pittsburgh apartment. They act as brother and sister, get in arguments, make fun of each other–all the groundwork needed for an inevitable hookup down the road. The fact that Elizabeth Banks seems too smart, driven, and beautiful to be living in such an apartment is just one of the film’s many problems. The two buddies are so low on cash that their utilities are turned off and they decide to film a porno as a last-ditch effort to make some money. Not get more hours at the coffee shop, not cut back on hockey expenses, not take on another boarder, but film a porno. In the real world, modern porn has much higher production levels than these two can come up with. In the real world, distributing a movie to 800 classmates would barely begin to turn a profit. In the real world, people don’t film porn in Pittsburgh coffee shops. And the actors don’t look like Zack (at least since the retirement of Ron Jeremy). And with downloading now an issue, how many copies were they hoping to sell? And why wouldn’t those same customers just get on the almighty internet to get their fix of amateur couplings? None of this occurs to Zack and Miri.

Casting:
Seth Rogen plays Seth Rogen. He is frumpy, lazy, mutters quips under his breath, and will end up with a girl way out of his league. I have been a fan of his since Freaks and Geeks, but he is in even bigger danger than Michael Cera of being typecast as the exact same guy for the rest of his filmic life.

Jason Mewes is in the cast of the fake porno and he actually has improved since his other attempts at acting in Kevin Smith films. His heroin habit apparently behind him, he actually does exactly what the part needs him to do.

Traci Lords and Katie Morgan have actual porn experience, so they lend the film whatever realism it has to offer.

Craig Robinson plays an unhappily married co-worker of Zack’s who incredibly gives up a flat screen TV (how he can afford one while having the same job as Zack who can’t keep his heat on is a question the film doesn’t attempt to answer) in order to “produce” the movie. Robinson’s scenes are both funny and incredibly demeaning. When the script calls for hip street language, Robinson is there to deliver. When there’s a hint of racism, Robinson is there to comment on it. When there are grammar rules to be broken, call up Robinson. He is the one exception to the lily-white cast. He does more with two minutes on The Office when wiping the floor with Michael Scott than he does here in a full length film. Go rent KNOCKED UP and watch his single scene as a club doorman and think what might have been. Examples of his delivery in this film (watch the grammar): “What? Han Solo ain’t never had no sex with Princess Leia in the Star War!” and “Her name Bubbles”. His “boob audition” scene was pretty funny.

But the person who emerges the most worse for the wear is Elizabeth Banks. She has proven to be that special combination of cute and funny on Scrubs and 40-year-old Virgin. She is a sweet girlfriend in Invincible. I hear she’s good as Laura Bush in W. But she is completely miscast in this film. She is too cute and smart to be surrounding herself with either Rogen as a roommate or any of the other people she comes into contact with. But the fatal flaw with her is that I simply never believed that she’d talk the way her character talked, act the way her character acted (her squirm-inducing seduction of the popular guy from high school was well-done), or involve herself in the money-making idea that she follows through on in this film. It’s like she’s pretending to be a hard-assed f-bomb throwing girl-next-door and it didn’t work. At one point, she even says “Hey Zack, no one wants to F-in watch us fuck.” That’s right, she used f-in and the full work fuck in the same sentence. I believe that someone like Sarah Silverman actually talks like that. I believe that Kevin Smith talks like that because I’ve heard him talk like that dozens of times. But I never bought that Banks was speaking realistically. To be clear, I’m not saying that people don’t act or speak like Smith writes, I’m just saying that I don’t believe Banks or her character would. I found myself embarrassed for her.

Which leads us to writing: If Smith only gave the world Chasing Amy, he’d be rightfully held in some regard for finding a way to weave both a tender can-I-turn-a-lesbian-straight romance and a here’s-why-she’s-called-fingercuffs raunchy comedy into something special. (Setting aside the male-dominant view that all any lesbian needs is a perfect guy to “cure” her.) It wasn’t Ben Affleck that made that movie, it was the writing. But here, again, is where ZACK AND MIRI fails. The “realistically dirty” language we’ve come to love from Smith (and Apatow) is here used to prove something, I think. Like Smith is afraid that when we boil down the story we’ll see a sappy love story, not unlike WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, and to avoid accusations of becoming soft, he goes for the verbal grossout. I simply do not believe that Banks would recount in casual conversation the time that Zack tried to fellate himself for about an hour. I’m pretty sure that she wouldn’t stay around that long to watch. But the script has that experience as one of the many that is supposed to make us feel like these two have shared everything with each other except feelings. As a guy with far more female friends than male, I can say that when Zack claims to have never wanted to sleep with Miri, even though they share a bathroom and 25 years of friendship, I say, bullshit. Plain and simple. That the plot has us believe that until they were scheduled to have on-camera sex, the thought of trying out a romance with each other never occurred to them is preposterous. And from the second they do, the movie goes completely haywire. Slow motion, closeups of their faces in love-filled ecstasy, a completely different song by the band Live which seems to be playing only in their heads, all combine to turn the film into something else. Something it neither earned, nor does particularly well.

There have been hundreds of films where two characters fall for each other after a hookup or a good talk or some other event. What is this one saying? “The search is over, you were with me all the while” to quote a sappy 80s song. Tell us something new.

But that’s not the worst of it. After a misunderstanding at a party, whereby Zack leaves with a pornstar to have sex after Miri has given permission, the next morning brings an argument, which sends Zack peeling out, then moving out, then working at the Penguins hockey games as a human target. The screen says “Three Months Later,” but not 30 seconds in, we see Robinson who has come to get the two crazy kids back together.

I can’t explain just how off the pacing is at this point. Zack drives off, film crew wonders why, Miri sees that Zack has moved out (where to? we never find out), “3 Months Later”, we are there to see Robinson contact him for the first time by using a quote that only they would recognize, they rekindle a friendship (not sure why they broke contact with each other), Robinson entices him back to his basement where they are still (after 3 months) editing the film, then the big reveal that Miri never had her second on screen sex scene, a ridiculous attempt at a serious line from Robinson about how people make you believe you can do things that you didn’t know you could or something, a musical cue that sends Zack back to Miri where a final misunderstanding involving her new male roommate gives way to a tearful hug and reunion and happily ever after.

It may have been the most painful 15 minutes of film I’ve seen in years. It’s made more painful because it’s my hero Kevin Smith who’s in charge.

I haven’t brought up the music: fake porn background music throughout, even when the scenes change; great 80s pop at the high school reunion; sappy I love you songs when the two are having sex..making..doing whatever they did.

I can remember exactly two laugh-out-loud moments: Jason Mewes in the last five minutes discussing the “Dutch Rudder” was deadpan delivery at its best.

The other one was a spectacular cameo by Justin Long as an “actor” in L.A. who attends the high school reunion with his football hero lover. “Really, you’re an actor? What kind of movies have you been in?” “All kinds of movies with all male casts.”

Zack Brown: All male casts? Like “Glengarry Glen Ross”, like that?
Brandon: Like “Glen and Gary Suck Ross’s Meaty C**k and Drop Their Hairy N**s in His Eager Mouth”.
Zack Brown: [pause] Is that like a sequel?
Brandon: Sort of. It’s a reimagining.
Zack Brown: Oh, like “The Wiz”.
Brandon: More erotic. And with less women. No women, to be exact.
Zack Brown: I apologize in advance if I am outta line here, but are you in gay porn?
Brandon: [smiles] Guilty as charged.

[I’ve added the *] The fact that his lover is played by the guy in the new Superman movie is one of the fanboy tips of the hat that Smith is famous for. Long is funnier in those five minutes that the remaining 95 minutes of the movie. Don’t get me wrong, whenever a character like Rogen’s talks as quickly as Smith’s script call for, there will be chuckles. “Where’s the clitoris again?” caused me to smile. But those smiles were so few and far between and so hidden by the rest of the “look how outrageous my dialogue is” that the impact was weak.

I wanted so much more from my former BFF Kevin Smith.

MichaelVox Twitter Review In 160:
Zack And Miri Make A Porno (08 Smith C-) Dear Kevin, I’m breaking up with you after 14 years of bliss. It’s not me, it’s you. WTF happened?

5.6 Metacritic
7.5 IMDB

ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO

Top Ten: Best of 2008 TV (A Limited Perspective)

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 06:46:00 +0000

Tuesday Top Ten: For the listmaker in me and the listlover in you

First things first, this disclaimer: I watch so little television that I'm rather like a SAG and movie awards show voter voting on the best of the film year having only seen 15 movies or so... (oh, come on, you know that's how they do. How else to explain the tiny pool of films they award or their lack of imagination in what to honor within those same films?) so with a huge grain of salt... my ten favorite TV-amajigs of the year

biggest anxiety: Joss Whedon's Dollhouse comes out in 2009. I've spent too much time in 2008 thinking about it. The reports of trouble on set are not surprising. This is the pinpoint reason I can't invest in TV... it's not safe to love anything. It's too emotionally draining to love TV. Movies last forever but TV shows get cancelled immediately if they're at all different/interesting: see #2

biggest surprise: the US version of Kath & Kim is not terrible. It's a little shaky but it's improving and Molly Shannon is still an underrated actor who exhibits range working from within very narrow characters (see also: The Year of the Dog). That said I heard from an LA friend who heard from a friend on set (unsubstantiated gossip. Wheeeee) that Molly & Selma Blair are most definitely not getting along: screaming matches!

Nathaniel's Top TV of 2008

10 Ronnie on Make Me a Super Model and Cody on Step It Up & Dance. Basically the only reason to watch reality television is to crush on cute boys (or girls depending on how you do). Don't you agree?

09 Rachel Maddow on MSNBC

08 Brothers & Sisters I didn't use to understand why so many people added the qualifier "guilty" to "pleasure" when talking about it. Now I see. It's hard to take seriously but I've never once been tempted to stop watching it.

07 The plot complications and expanding cast of The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
I have been a Terminator nut since -- for as long as I can remember. Despite that, I thought this show was a bad idea (how does one improve on Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2: Judgment Day? The answer is that one does not. Though one wishes Lena Headey would at least try) and the first several episodes did nothing to change my mind. I still don't love any single performance or any episode in particular. But the longer it goes on, the more delicious nutty, overpopulated and convoluted it gets, the more I enjoy it despite all the things that aren't so good about it. Who'da thunk?

P.S. Good luck to Terminator Salvation trying to pretend that so many story threads from 3 Terminator movies and a tv series never happened and make sense of the ones they choose not to ignore.

06 Samantha Who? Hardly groundbreaking for a sitcom but still endearing. Extra bonus points: the trio of supporting actresses in Samantha's orbit (Jennifer Esposito, Melissa McCarthy and Emmy-winning Jean Smart) are totally invested in making with the funny: well done.

05 True Blood. I love vampires. I didn't use to have to qualify that but here it goes. I love vampires that are interesting, mean, bloodthirsty and/or horny --not the stupid asexual twinkle-in-the-sunshine kind that were so popular this year. Blargh!

04 30 Rock. The only show on television that literally makes me LOL each and every episode. Sometimes even LMFAO.

03 Battlestar Galactica -still breath-stoppingly brilliant all the way into its fourth and final daring season. It will go down in history as one of the fullest small screen experiences of all time. If you're still not watching, watch the video Catch the Frak Up before the final episodes air in early 2009.

02 Pushing Daisies -There's no show I look forward to seeing each week more. The second season has been an itty-bitty uneven but who cares. It's so rich: alternately amusing, bittersweet, wicked, morbid, musical, witty, eccentric and lovable. There's something to lose your fool mind and heart over in every damn episode. Just thinking about going without Olive, Ned, Chuck, Emerson and Aunts Vivian & Lily next year makes me need carbs. Lots and lots of them in pastry form --preferably with drops of anti-depressants added in the baking.

01 Mad Men - it wasn't really a contest.

What were your favorites this year?

p.s. 1 Next Week: The Top Ten Movies -- the countdown begins. The annual FiLM BiTCH Awards are on their way.

p.s. 2 A preview of Big Love coming back soon...

Fletch's Favored Five Ten: Christmas Songs

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 19:22:00 +0000

Fletch's Favored Five (or ten) is back? It's a Festivus miracle! That's right - just in time for Christmas, I bring you my ten favorite Christmas songs. Some you mist likely love, some you might hate, and some you just might have never heard before (like maybe number one...). Either way, you should totally be a hipster and legally purchase these from your local interweb music peddler and then transfer them to an electronic audio device capable of playing them back to you while you drive your body or car around town. It will have you so full of the Christmas Spirit you'll be spitting candy canes at people and smelling like pine needles whenever you scratch yourself.

Quick disclaimer: I'm not counting down any generic versions or saying that "Jingle Bells > It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" or anything; this list is of specific songs, made special by the unique artists that performed and/or wrote them.

Honorable mentions:
* "Ave Maria" by Chris Cornell & Eleven
* "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" by Thurl Ravenscroft (the original version)
* "Santa Claus and his Old Lady" by Cheech and Chong
* "Jingle Bell Rock" by Bobby Helms

10. "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by Bruce Springsteen
I'm actually not a big fan of the Boss, and as Mrs. Fletch likes to say, the guy really can't sing that well at all, but there's something about the passion with which he sings this that totally sells me on it (and gets me singing along with him in my own terrible voice). The hilariously retarded banter at the beginning rules, too. Keep practicing on that saxophone, Clarence! (Damn it all, I can't find the video with the banter...this'll have to do.)

9. "The Christmas Song" by Nat King Cole
Though I respect this song as one of the great Christmas songs, this is more of a collective nod to the King, as I'm a sucker for some of his other songs that I heard as a kid and still love ("Mrs. Santa Claus," "Happiest Christmas Tree").

8. "Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives
Sure, Hermey and Rudolph and Yukon Cornelius are great (ok, especially Y.C.), but the real reason that claymation Rudolph special remains a hit some 300 years later is the hipster singing and facial hair (on a snowman?) stylings of one Burl Ives. "Holly Jolly" rocks the house, and always will. Or maybe the appeal was the Charley-in-a-box; I always liked that guy, too...

This might not be the best version of the song, but at least you can check out his Trotsky-esque look:

7. "O Tannenbaum" by the Vince Guaraldi Trio
Which is better - this or #3? Obviously, I've made my decision...but it wasn't exactly an easy one.

6. "12 Days of Christmas" by Bob and Doug McKenzie (aka Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas)
Just brilliant. It's not Christmas without hearing this and the Cheech & Chong one listed above. And no, I'll never spell "tooques" right, but I'll always wish I had one (or five).

5. "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" by Brenda Lee
Along with "Jingle Bell Rock," Nat's "Christmas Song" and any number of older-yet-popular Christmas songs, this one's bordering on overuse/overplay...yet I still love it. Same goes for the (other) King's "Blue Christmas" and just about every other song on that Billboard Christmas album. If I recall correctly, this song was also prominently featured in Home Alone, which earns it bonus points.

4. "Sleigh Ride" by Leroy Anderson
An underrated gem. It's all about the instrumental, orchestral version, but I'll give some credit to the Ronettes' take as well - it's strong. Bonus: if you're a Seinfeld geek like me, you just might think of Rusty with the beginning whinney by the horse.

3. "Christmas Time Is Here" by the Vince Guaraldi Trio

Just as Ives elevated Rudolph to a new level, Vince Guaraldi took an already poignant, sweet Christmas story and heaped loads of class and a big helping of timelessness to the proceedings. This is the gem.

2. "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses

A 1982 New Wave single by a two-hit wonder ("I Know What Boys Like")? You bet. For anyone that was ever in their 20s, single and otherwise alone for the holidays, or for anyone who can imagine what that might be like.

1. "Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues
Don't tell me you've never heard this. Just don't do it. A gorgeous, not-really-a-Christmas song by the kings of the Irish folk/rock/punk fusion revival (or something like that). Obscene, touching, full of talent and slightly disgusting - just like frontman Shane MacGowan. Check out those teeth!

And finally, an unranked shout-out to the album that I probably love the most and listen to the most every Christmas. It's the unlikeliest of sources, but I guess whatever you grow up with is what you end up loving in most cases. In this one, it's Ray Conniff and his singers. In this video (circa...I have no idea - 1964?), Ray and the gang are lip-syncing to a medley from the album We Wish You a Merry Christmas. So unironical that it goes beyond funny and then back again. But don't you dare say a bad word about it...

Finally, Film Junk T-Shirts Just in Time for Christmas!

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 02:38:41 +0000

Hey there Film Junkies, we’ve been talking about it for a while now and we just kept putting it off, but I’m happy to say that the procrastination has finally come to an end. Just in time for Christmas we’re ready to officially unveil our first batch of Film Junk t-shirts over at Cafe Press. Head to the link below and you’ll find a plethora of different designs and styles to choose from, including the long-rumoured Reed Farrington shirt!

Sincere thanks go out to our good friends Nuno Pereira and Corey Pierce for their artistic contributions… be sure to check out their own websites to see more of their amazing work. As a disclaimer I should mention that I’m not actually sure if Cafe Press guarantees any shipments by Christmas at this point, but I’m sure that anyone getting a Film Junk shirt as a gift will be more than willing to wait just a little bit longer. Let us know if you have any problems or concerns ordering these shirts, and also if you have requests or suggestions for future t-shirt designs. Enjoy!

drabble: painted by numbers

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 13:30:01 +0000

Title: Painted by Numbers
Author: keldjinfae_moon
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters: Sam, with mentions of Dean and the Trickster
Rating: PG for character death and liquor consumption
Warnings: Spoilers for "Tall Tales"
Disclaimer: Supernatural belongs to Kripke, the WB, and others who aren't I.
Author's Note: This was written for oh_mcgee who requested a drabble of desperate!Sam nearly a year ago. Sorry for being so late, but hey! Merry Christmas!
Summary: Sam's life becomes an empty routine

Six hours past midnight and the alarm tells you it's time to wake up, regardless of whether or not your eyes even closed all night. Ten minutes in the shower, fifteen getting dressed and packing up the room; you ignore the second bed, the one that was untouched, until yours is made again.

Thirty minutes at a diner, ten bucks or less spent on a meager breakfast and lots and lots of coffee, with twenty bucks spent later on liquor and maybe a cheeseburger if you remember before you're too drunk or exhausted to care. Five bucks to the waitress because somehow you're still tipping for two, even though you're barely eating enough for one.

One day on the road; five leads to follow on one demigod, and zero check out. An infinite amount of guilt and loss and defeat as you put seven gallons of gas into his Impala, before driving seven minutes to a new motel, putting down fifty bucks on a new room. You spend two hours in front of the TV, zero of 120 minutes spent actually paying attention to the footage on the fuzzy, washed-out screen.

Four hours of possible sleep when you finally crash, but all of them are spent watching the bed across from you, one bed that would have belonged to one man who wasn't there anymore; one brother. Dean, a name that used to make yours seem important, but now you're just one among many and he's gone; zero names left.

Statistical Evidence, Or: How Many Licks Does It Take To Get To The Center Of A Tootsie Pop?

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 12:44:51 +0000

Time was that baseball scouts knew what a good player looked like: Lean, slim, a hooded gaze that took in everything. Never mind that Babe Ruth was a squat, ugly plug of a man, trotting awkwardly around the bases - any seasoned manager knew that if you were getting a kid out of college, he had to have that athletic grace that led straight to winning games.

Then the Oakland As changed all that. They didn't have the money to buy up all those gazelle-like beauty queens, so they started doing statistical analysis to find out what really mattered - and as it turned out, some pretty ungainly-lookin' kids wound up racking up great batting averages. They snapped up all of the gophers for a song, and started winning Yankee-sized games at a fraction of Yankee-sized prices.

Years of "experience" turned out not to matter. What people prized weren't the factors that led to what they wanted.

The reason I bring this up is because some sources say that Amanda Palmer's record label refuses to promote her because she's "fat." I don't know whether that source is true, but certainly the wealth of near-anorexic, traditionally "beautiful" female artists indicate that someone at the record companies "knows" what sells and values looks over actual musical ability.

(And that's more "quotes" than I ever hope to use in a sentence like that ever again.)

But the interesting thing is that as opposed to baseball, where all that matters is getting the ball and yourself to the right place, music does have some linkage with your looks. I think we can all agree that Kiss would probably not have been half the phenomenon had they just been some schlubby guys churning out rock in the 70s, and David Bowie's ethereal glam beauty look did a hell of a lot to make him iconic. In these days, your image is a lot of your draw.

The question I wonder is, how much of it is linked?

People are furious because Amanda Palmer isn't fat, and based on this video, I'd agree with 'em. (Full disclaimer: I'm neither a fan of Dresden Dolls nor Amanda Palmer.) And personally, if what they say is true, I suspect that it's a bunch of music chowderheads imposing their personal desire for starvation victim body-types onto the public at large.

Yet every time I hear something, I wonder whether the converse is true. I wonder how one would scientifically attempt to study the links between a classic "thin" body type and music success; you'd have to find a way to strip the actual music away, but given that a) every band has a bunch of obscure contemporaries who sound very similar, and b) sites like Pandora have reduced music to its component parts very effectively, I think that could be done.

I actually think that there's a germ of truth in what the music companies want, because a lot of the teenagers who make the top 10 charts bubble do want beautiful thin people; hell, Twilight fans, I'm lookin' at you right now and going, "Yeah, you'd have taken their heads off if they'd cast a chunky kid in the part of the girl or the boy." I'm looking at every successful boy band ever, and remembering my own irritated days when girls swooned over Poison, a sucktacular metal band, just because the lead singer was cute. I've seen local bands with ripped singers get followings a lot quicker than their competition.

But that said, music is where ugly guys traditionally go to get laid, as the old saying goes; I don't think Meatloaf could have been a sex symbol in any other industry. Conversely, women are always harder on women's looks.

Sure, people will point to success stories of chunky, not traditionally pretty women being successful. And I'm not denying that "absolutely stellar music" can trump mediocre looks every time. The question is not, "Can a single woman do it?" but rather, "Is a woman's looks such a significant factor in her career path that record companies should be worried about it?" Which is to say that sure, Janis Joplin and Aretha Franklin got up there, but how many bands you never heard of failed because the lead singer was ugly by traditional celebrity standards, and the audience rejected them?

Thing is, everyone's going to have an opinion. They'll all claim they "know," which is to say that they know for themselves. But what I'd really like to see, and what I wonder whether the record companies have done, are some statistics to show whether it does matter, taking into account a lot of unsuccessful groups as well as the winners. And that's something that nobody, as far as I know, has done.

My own opinion? It probably does matter, but not so much that anyone should worry overmuch as long as your singers are roughly HWP - though I have no problem with it myself, I don't think America is ready to routinely accept 300-pound divas in their pop, regardless of the singer's sex. But in an ideal world, we'd all have some statistics to crunch to see. And I'm genuinely curious to see how much a singer's visuals impacts their sales and shows.

Review - Twilight

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 23:00:00 +0000

Craving A New Kind Of Vampire?

Moviegoers have had a fascination with vampires for as long as movies have been made. From Nosferatu to Bram Stoker’s Dracula, these creatures of the dark have made us flock to theaters. Even stars like Tom Cruise made their way into vampire movies with Interview with the Vampire. Now we have vampires for a new generation in the new film, Twilight.

Director Catherine Hardwicke (Thirteen) brings the first of Stephenie Meyer’s novels to the big screen in a way that breaks many of our vampire stereotypes and caters to a young crowd.

Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) is a teen trying to find herself in the world. Her parents are separated and as her mother goes off to follow her new boyfriend, Bella heads north from her sunny Phoenix home. Her destination is Forks, Washington, in the beautiful but damp Pacific Northwest to live with her father.

Fitting in during the middle of a school year is never easy, but Bella has many that want to meet her, and one she wants to meet. Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) is that elusive, mysterious guy that all the women are interested in. But it is Bella that drives this “different” guy absolutely crazy.

Now, Bella is thrust into a world of vampires as you have never seen onscreen. These vampires don’t “die” in sunlight. These vampires like to play baseball. And at least the “good” vampires feast on animals. But the biggest question is, will the budding romance between Bella and Edward be able to withstand the animal instincts that are buried deep within every vampire.

Before I even sat down to view this film, the hype machine had things spinning out of control. It was selling tickets at a truly amazing pace and the personal appearances were absolutely bonkers. But this review is about the film, so let’s get to it.

A disclaimer as we start with this, teenage girls that are going to go see this film anyway, can probably stop here. I don’t think what I have to say will interest you, but for the rest of the readers, I’ll continue.

What a perfect setting for a vampire film. The Pacific Northwest offers a number of amazing shot opportunities for Hardwicke and crew when it comes to being undercover of an blanket of clouds. I was impressed as some of the locations used to play out this romance.

The casting of the actors seemed solid, but I somewhat didn’t see the craziness with Pattinson in the role of Edward. I actually think he’ll grow on me, and may be better by the time a second film rolls around. Stewart is solid in her role as the troubled teen Bella and the conflict going on within her.

My biggest issues with Twilight were with story and structure. The story seemed to be missing a certain amount of background for those of us that were not familiar with the novels. I kept feeling that I was missing chunks of information that would have made the viewing experience more interactive. Why did it seem the vampires knew and were waiting for Bella? What future did they see, before she arrived?

And though the dialogue may have connected with the teens at times, I found myself chuckling from time to time and things I felt were a bit on the laughable side. The occasional quip, the Crouching Tigeresque movements and various interactions just left me a bit confused.

Despite my issues with the film, I actually think this is a good first step at a “new” kind of vampire film. One that is less gory and more romanticized then ever before. A film that is youthful and hip and should add to our infatuation with vampires, Twilight will satisfy the cravings of the legions of fans, if only for the time being.

C+

Twilight
Summit Entertainment

Director: Catherine Hardwicke
Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke

Rating: PG-13 for some violence and a scene of sensuality.
Runtime: 122 minutes.

Russo Review Wall-E DVD & Blu-Ray

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 17:00:47 +0000

Reviewed by: Joe Russo (Film Critic & SoSF Contributor)

Actors: Nathan Fillion, Gina Torres, Alan Tudyk, Morena Baccarin, Adam Baldwin
Format: AC-3, Color, Dolby, DTS Surround Sound, Dubbed, Subtitled, Widescreen
Language: English
Aspect Ratio: 1.78:1
Number of discs: 3
Rating: G
Studio: Walt Disney
DVD Release Date: November 18, 2008
Run Time: 98 minutes

Buy the DVD
Buy the Blu-Ray

Russo’s Rating: 10/10

One of the most stellar home video releases of a 2008 theatrical effort yet this year

Pixar films need a disclaimer: Not for kids under the age of seven. While WALL E is a brilliantly executed film, the computer animation titan’s latest picture just can’t hold the attention span of youngsters and even some fidgety adults. While the film is a beautiful homage to the silent era of motion pictures, the limited use of dialogue will likely render the pic unwatchable for rug rats.

WALL E is the last surviving robot on a desolate planet Earth overrun by garbage. While working to achieve his directive of cleaning the planet, something unexpected happens to WALL E, he develops a human personality. Through collecting relicts of our lost civilization, WALL E has become attracted to the human disposition and begins using umbrellas, enjoying the company of a pet, watching bad musicals amongst partaking in many of our other quirky habits. When a scout robot comes down to Earth searching for signs of life, WALL E falls head over heels for the technologically sleek EVE. Afraid of losing the “girl” of his dreams, WALL E follows EVE to the far corners of the universe, leading him on a wild adventure that will not only help him win over his female companion, but save the human race from the excesses of consumerism and laziness.

Andrew Stanton, the director of Pixar’s super successful, underwater adventure Finding Nemo, has again created a flawlessly executed animated project. However unlike Nemo, which could be called a traditional computer animated flick (Now that’s a oxymoron…), WALL E experiments with an extremely different kind of storyline. With very little dialogue throughout the duration of this science/fiction, romance epic, WALL E is going to be a tough challenge for some audiences. Luckily this Buster Keaton meets Johnny 5 meets HAL 3000 experiment works exceptionally well making WALL E one of, if not the most memorable character Pixar has created yet.

Accompanying the genre specific computer animated film is a bevy of nods and winks. While the physical comedy is obviously a throwback to silent legends like the aforementioned Keaton and Charlie Chaplin, Stanton cutely pays homage to science fiction giants like 2001: A Space Odyssey and Star Wars in quite memorable ways.

Speaking of Star Wars, sound designer Ben Burtt has again done an outstanding job helping to create a world of sounds for WALL E. The man responsible for making R2D2 the lovable trashcan that he is not only voices Pixar’s titular ‘bot, he constructed every clink and clang in the picture. WALL E is an even richer film thanks to Burtt’s incredible talent.

However what is most remarkable about WALL E is the jaw dropping animation throughout the film. With each passing picture Pixar continues to evolve their craft. WALL E is by far their most cinematic looking movie yet. With gorgeous camera moves, slick snap zooms and rack focuses, Stanton has made a film that looks every bit as good as the story that plays out. From their terrifying vision of a Post Apocalyptic Earth to the wonders of the final frontier, Pixar has created a true visual feast.

Now on DVD and BluRay disc, WALL E comes home in a masterful presentation worthy of displaying Pixar’s greatest animated achievement. While the DVD should suffice for casual viewers, the BluRay disc is a high-def junkies dream. The video and audio presentation alone for WALL E will move more then a few BluRay players this holiday season, as the disc is a great way to show off the technology.

The three disc special edition and BluRay are jam packed with bonus content as well. Offering something for youngsters, movie geeks and everyone in between, WALL E is by far one of the most stellar home video releases of a 2008 theatrical effort yet this year. Viewers everywhere will enjoy the new animated short, BURN-E, about another loveable, fixit robot whose seemingly simple task of fixing a space station sensor is constantly foiled by the paralleling adventures of WALL-E and EVE.

Also included with the discs is the theatrical short that accompanied WALL-E, Presto, as well as a bevy of behind the scenes features. Not surprisingly there is a documentary concerning Ben Burt’s amazing sound design, as well as the evolution of the process, behind the scenes featurettes and a BluRay exclusive picture-in-picture with director Andew Stanton!

While WALL-E may have been difficult viewing for younger viewers at the cinema, proving to be an aggravating movie experience for adults, at home with the ability to stop and start the film at your discretion, Andrew Stanton’s masterpiece should delight children of all ages.